a while back, I was hanging out with some friends at the pool. One of them was markedly very in shape. I knew she was very active, and comparatively, I felt a little bit softer, and little more insecure about myself. Not terribly, but a little.
fast forward to yesterday, and she had mentioned, that she had really admired my body. She wished that she had more of the mass that I had— a little more muscle and definition. Now I’m not so sure I have definition, but it definitely made my day. When you’re working out, you really don’t know what the public’s real “ideal body” is, because it really does vary.
And also, whatever each person’s “ideal” body is, how important is it, really? There is beauty to be found in everyone. Being able to see it and honor it is the real challenge— to see it both in ourselves and in others.
First, start standing with feet together. Do this in front of a body-length mirror if you can.
Next, with either foot, take a small step to the side.
TA FREAKIN’ DA, PEOPLE.
the real secret: fuck the thigh gap. hydration, solid sleeping habits, healthy consumption, time/weight/endurance goals and overall happiness are better goals to chase after than something you can technically achieve without really trying. keep working hard out there, fitspos!
i randomly came across this site while browsing tumblr. while her blog is about cooking and recipes, i just spent the past 2 hours in class reading the links on the side of her blog. specifically “the journey to lose 135lbs”, “what i miss from 135lbs”, “maintenance”, and “peace with food”.
i’m so glad i found this blog because reading these is exactly what i needed to read. i felt like i was reading my own brain or something. what she says about maintenance and making peace with food is extremely helpful to me. while maintenance is probably 6-9 months away from now, it’s still something i think about once in a while. when i reach a weight i’m happy with, then what? do i have to exercise this hard every single day for the rest of my life? what if i start eating a lot again? do i have to keep counting calories? how can i live a normal life and have a normal relationship to food? how can i get to point where i can enjoy pizza once in a while and dessert and find the balance?
i’m still not to a point in my life where i have a good relationship with food. it’s definitely better because i’m hardly binging anymore and i know healthy portion sizes and what food is healthy. but every single day, i still have those unhealthy thoughts. “if only i could eat that food, then i’d feel happier” or “poor me, i can’t have what my parents are having for dinner. they’re so lucky that they get to stuff their face with that”. as much as i never ever ever want to go back to that place in my life where i was binging all of the time, i still miss it. i miss having something that could temporarily make me happy. i miss feeling excited about what i wanted to eat next…what restaurant i could go to. the choices were unlimited! i didn’t have to spend a half hour preparing every meal i eat, i could just go through the drive through. is it bad that a part of me misses that? a big part of me?
there are still things in my life i have to sort out. i have to learn how to deal with emotions rather than wanting to just eat them away and distract from feeling sad or bored or lonely or stressed. it’s still hard for me to do. i still crumble and give into food when i’m feeling these emotions. somehow i convince myself that eating will take away that pain, but it never does. it just distracts from it for a very short amount of time.
after reading this, i’ve thought about the situations i’ve been in since january that i’ve binged and i’ve tried to think about why that’s happened. weddings…i’m always looking so forward to eating dinner at weddings because i always go into it knowing that there’s nothing else for me to eat, so i have to eat this food and i let myself eat and eat until i feel so full that i can’t even move and i’m realizing now that i’ve been doing that because of how much stress i feel while working at weddings. last week when i binged, i was lonely and sad and bored. i need to learn how to deal with these emotions in a healthy way.
anyway, i’m really glad i read this because while i knew this about myself, it was really good to hear that someone else has dealt with this and has made it through and how they did it.